We are all a little "Dead Inside"

"As in Heaven as on Earth

We've been DEAD-inside since our birth"

Hollywood Undead

I am a HUGE fan of Korean Pop aka K-Pop music. I especially love to watch the dance choreography videos that coincide with their music videos.  One such video was from the group: Sistar for their song "Give It To Me". 

Aside from the catchy hook and dance moves I was also intrigued by the t shirt the group member, Bora was wearing.  I found it to be both fashionably dark and light at the same time.  I had to have this shirt! I scoured the internet for months searching for this shirt in vain. I kept watching the video and soon realized, "I could easily make this shirt myself. " I bought all the materials I would need to recreate the shirt but I still prolonged putting the shirt together for several weeks.   Little did I know my procrastination would later become my inspiration.  

On the morning of December 5th 2013 at approximately 5:01 a.m. I received a text from my little brother that I will never forget.  It was only 3 words: "MY FATHER DIED".  For a whole day after that I didn't react to this message,  I guess it didn't quite hit me yet. I went to work and carried on my day as if nothing had happened. I even spoke to my family that day wishing that we weren't thousands of miles apart and that I could be there with them to grieve and reminisce, but the next day I had a breakdown, at work. Naturally they sent me home.

 While sitting at home idle and thinking of my father I felt the urge to get up and do something, I knew my dad wouldn't want me to sit around crying since he was always about jokes and laughter.  I had to find some way to express myself and how I was feeling and that's when I began to recreate the shirt I had been wanting for quite awhile.  It was a rather short and easy construction process that only took a few hours to complete, it was as if my dad was guiding me through the process.  I let the painted text dry overnight and the next day I couldn't believe the result: 

The words on this shirt resonated with me now more than ever. The greater the capacity to love the greater the capacity to feel the pain. I definitely went through the stages of grief and I'm now beginning to come to terms with my father's death and I'm comforted with the many memories I have of him. This shirt is not a dark reminder of his passing but a pleasant motivation for me to keep going and pursuing my dreams.